Gone Baby Gone

What no comments on yesterday's photo? Come on...a barnacle has a penis...did you know that? They mate for chrissake, most residents of the mountain top aren't that lucky. That's just one (1) advantage to working aboard a sea vessel, the mating. Just ask Gary and Chris. I didn't mean to "out" Gary, but the blog knows no secrets, and tells no lies.

Lights are being hung aboard the new ship today. Stop by and peep the changes, a little more everyday, thanks to Dave and Kevin. Whilst the HypnoFamily is on shore leave Dave will see to it that the future ship is sea worthy by November 7th. Remember, no Hypno for one (1) week, so stock up on take home beans (one half (1/2) or one (1) pound increments, based on addiction) tomorrow; it will be the only item I ring up.

Calling All Strong Backs

Plenty of snow greeted me in the pre-dawn. Sledding this afternoon! A short peek at winter before Halloween is a righteous start to what we trust will be a killer season.

If you've been in the ship lately you have undoubtedly noticed the lack of flavor that normally drips from the walls. It is true, every night we scrape a few barnacles from the vessel and place them in dry storage (my garage). Soon (Friday) we will need willing sailors for the back-breaking work of moving the rest of the barnacles. Friday morning I am brewing coffee, Gary baked cookies for you, and the vessel shall be eternally grateful. As a primer to the expected work ethic, I'll be accompanied tomorrow by Mackie. His Mackness is no stranger to hard work, I am sure he will be waiting outside of the shop having run (perhaps barefoot) to the shop just to make the start of his workday a little harder. That's the kind of ethic we need on Friday...BRING IT!

Following our moving out of the Thomas vessel we will be dry docked and waylaid for a period...up to the first high tide, November 7th. That's a Friday to you non-sailor types, and during the week between closing (docked) and opening (sailing), the HypnoFamily is heading north to New Jersey to visit Summer's family. For us it will be a well deserved, albeit short period, of R & R, that's vacation to you non-sailors, and not a moment too soon.

It's Back!

Morning, October 28th.

Shooting skeet in some one's driveway (note the exploded clay in the background).

I went to sleep last night with a few flurries falling and awoke this morning to two (2) inches on the car. A nice preamble of winter is upon us and should continue to coat us in the white stuff for the next two (2) days. It may be an interesting Halloween. At least we are prepared with an army of handsome jack-o-lanterns.

Rough News: Unfortunately, our shooting member and HypnoFriend Dave (and many others) started off this week with the news that they had been laid off. I hope an employment opportunity opens for Dave and his former co-workers soon, as we hate to lose neighbors in possession of such good qualities... like marksmanship. Best of luck to those cut loose.

Rougher News: Preliminary plans have us shutting down the HypnoVessel this Friday, October 31st and not re-opening until Friday November 7th. A new President shall be elected, a community readies itself for a new season, and a new shop shall be opened in Davis. In the vacuum of inconvenience caused by our week of prep work, stock up on coffee. I ordered twenty (20) pounds of coffee yesterday for you. Take home a pound Thursday or Friday and that should see you through the week.

Cutting Crew

Knives dove into the plump flesh. Eyes were cut out. Mouths fashioned into mock grins and grimaces. Noses... don't even get me started on noses. A good turn out today for the carving, and for those unfortunately turned away at the door remember, the velvet rope has no feelings. Those allowed on the cutting floor displayed knife play talent not seen in these parts since the turn of the last century. Good show.

Also nice to talk to my dad-in-law Al today as well as my Obama lawyer, Phil. Sunday is a good time to catch up with friends and family and that is why Sprint is the preferred HypnoPhoneCarrier. Alright Sprint I've done my part, now where is my damn check!

The Bottom Has Dropped Out

The face that has launched a thousand bike trips, now launches your mochas too. Lucky you. It's training day aboard our vessel and Mackie already seems adept at knot tying, navigation, and tacking. I probably shouldn't praise his Mackness too much lest I lose him to the predatory poaching style hiring practices used by a certain windmill company. We are obviously a proving ground for reliable intelligent workers. I know what you are thinking, "but Tony, the Director was hired?". That's true, but the Director possesses several excellent qualities, just ask his mother.

Summer and I picked out our laminate top for the new counter last night, and as always the chore required a two (2) hour drive in order to complete. Just one (1) of the perks of living on the mountain top, no big-box stores to offend the eye. And in keeping with the effort of not offending eyes, we will be carving what shall be the best looking jack-o-lanterns tomorrow at 2 p.m. If you want a carved work of art gracing your porch on All Hallows Eve, then join in!

A Most Excellent Post

As an alm for the ship, the Director has left his back-up eye on the counter. Come by and peer into the glass orb that occupied the Director's head. Ironically, the eye is so customized for its owner, it even has a bloodshot appearance in order to match the organic eye occupying the neighboring socket. What craftsmanship.

Many of you have offered and now we are ready to ask: if you would like to help dislodge the HypnoShip we will need assistance Friday (Halloween). We will be packing the vessel and shuttling the equipment, utensils, dishes, paper goods, etc. to Davis. If you are so inclined, bring a strong back to Hypno on Halloween morning. Our eternal gratitude, free coffee, and as Mohandas Gandhi said, "The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."

Our HypnoFriend, Jason, appeared yesterday embracing his inner-Erkel. He was donning a new look in eye wear that is bound to win him street cred with college professors, computer programmers, and his pals in the Dungeon and Dragons gaming circle. Not to be out-eighties, Travis appeared sporting the sweetest mullet these eyes have seen since Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. You know Travis does resemble Bill S. Preston , Esq.

Someone get this man a pocket protector and a (20) sided die.

Ahhh, Da Ol' Hood!

The lights are dimming all over the eastern seaboard as the lasers down in Tampa, FL fire into the back of our pal Rob (of Hellbender fame). Fingers are crossed my friend. Coupled with dimming lights is a sucking sound, which is merely the Director dislodging from Front Street. I have a feeling we'll see the old swashbuckler again.

I met with the cabinet builder this morning while Summer and kids sailed the HypnoShip. Expect quick changes in the new shop as the month comes to an end. We have decided to shut this location down officially on the 31st of October (Halloween!). It is a bitter sweet time as we leave our portage in Thomas. I will miss the Thomas regulars who will inevitably stop visiting daily, but you know who you are, and I still expect you to commute the overwhelming two (2) miles at least a couple of times a week! Distance can not keep us apart! To the denizens of Davis: I expect to see you everyday now. During the transitional period the blog will continue as your seamless connection to all things Hypno, so stay tuned.

Getting There

We are inching closer to Davis everyday now. Today found me in the role of contractor; ordering counter top templates, and scheduling nails to fly. We are coming to terms with the possibility of our counter not being complete by Halloween. That puts us both in a bind, which is our shop being closed and you going through withdrawls for a period of anywhere from a couple of days to ten (10). We will remain ever diligent and you keep the faith, but... I know, I know, bad news for us all. Since we are dispensing the bad news, here's some more...wholesale! It is my duty to report that the HypnoVessel's first mate and ever-vigilant rum tester, Director Mallow, is officially hanging up his cutlass and walking the plank. In fact, today ended his career. The Director is on his way to Texas (or some similarly despicable lubber's locale) to hang off of windmill blades and spread epoxy like he does his STDs. Ahhh, the swashbuckler's burden. We wish our pirate well on his landlubber's pursuit.

I, of course, can not commandeer the helm around the clock. Thus I have set out to recruit a new swab to temporarily place a hand on the tiller, your friend Mackie! That's right, our local cycling champion has agreed to help the S.S. Hypno in this, her hour of need...what a good seaman.

We are amassing a pile of pumpkins in need of a little jack-o-lantern craft work. This Sunday at closing (that's 2pm) we will spread the newspaper, gut the pumpkins, roast the seeds, and you are expected to attend. See you Sunday.

A Close Second

Who wouldn't want to see that face in the morning?

Are the cities and suburbs so blighted that their denizens have to escape? I am flumuxed by the enormous crowds these past two (2) weekends, yesterday especially. Our little shop was $11.00 short of the high watermark set during the Fourth of July weekend! That kind of traffic usually requires some sort of holiday, or at least amazing weather. We currently have neither. Partly sunny, hard frost at night, and no color left on the trees. This is fine if you are want to celebrate the preambles of winter, otherwise it's merely a molting before the season changes. I am pleased the cities are places not to spend weekends, and appreciative of the choice of get-away. See you next weekend!

Coming next week: more tales of the Director and his pursuit of other employment. Is it for real? Will he leave the mountain, and what of the drug screening?

His Discs Are A'bulgin'

Spine tingling

Our HypnoFriend, comrade in arms, and purveyor of burritos, Rob B. (of Hellbender fame) is on the injured reserved list. If you've been around this summer you may have noticed a hitch in his get-along, a pained look on his face when he performs his male burlesque show, Fris-bee, or just noticed his occasional absence. Rob injured his back slam-dancing at a Cramps show back in the magical year of 1984, whilst the Cramps were touring their epic record, Bad Music for Bad People. A young Robbie B. had no idea that a fitful night of dancing would eventually translate into a trip to Tampa, FL to have a laser shot into his spine. That would have seemed too BladeRunner to Robbie at the time, but alas, it is off to Tampa and under the laser he shall be. Melissa will, of course, accompany the patient, and unfortunately for the rest of us, starting tomorrow Hellbender shall be closed in their absence... Take a deep breath, it will be fine, the restaurant will open again on Tuesday, October 28th. We, at the HypnoVessel, wish Rob a successful surgery and a speedy recovery. We also hope Melissa finds some respite from her hectic schedule while in the Sunshine State.


What's going on? Another record pace weekend is afoot, and this is the most I can get typed out between Hot Chocolates and Mochas...end transmission.

Aye-Eye!

The Director sailed the calm seas yesterday, but one (1) squall has side tracked our intrepid pirate. As some sort of joke a patron of local residence made off with the Director's glass eye. I realize the comedic value of such a theft, but to a young single seaman, it can stand between many a future romantic encounter, not to mention the across the counter repulsiveness an empty socket induces. This morning the Director arrived with a temporary socket filler, a yellow ball danced in his head and fills all onlookers with equal parts curiosity and disgust. This will not suffice. You know who you are, you scurvy dog, return the ocular socket wear immediately!

There have been several discussions this morning regarding our recent pastry names, the Hot Apple Bend-over and Cherry Poppins'. The naming of products is fun for us, and I welcome your input on future nomenclature as well as re-naming our drinks. Instead of a White Chocolate Mocha, you could order a Bismark's Snowmobile? Summer has some funny names, I just have to tame her gutter-minded ideas. My work is never done!

Records Fall

Another milestone has been passed, two hundred (200) blog entries and accumulating more all the time. The HypnoFamily and HypnoFriends are looking forward to the sigh of relief after this, a surprisingly hectic weekend. Congratulations to our friends Rob and Melissa (of Hellbender fame) for their new record weekend! Many a visitor manhandled those enormous burritos, and the records fell. Even the HypnoVessel pulled its second (second only to the Fourth of July) best weekend of the year. Back by popular demand are Gary's Hot Apple Bend-overs and, just for today, Cran-Ky-Berry Turn-overs. If you missed the turn-overs this past weekend, these are for the locals...and me. Our HypnoPal, Ben (of farming fame) made his way back atop the mountain. Hitchin' rides, hustlin' his heiny, and panhandling his way from our nation's capital took a week, but the eagle has landed and he's ready for a badminton game. Anyone else up for shuttlecock smashing? We'd love to host another match beneath the fall leaves' last hoorah.

Today we bid a temporary good-bye to our CSA representative, Tasha, as she heads to the deep south for a spell. Be safe and we look forward to your return in December. Too bad for Tasha, she will miss the pumpkin carving. Come by the HypnoVessel Sunday October 25th around two (2) p.m. and bring your favorite knife. We are striking a deal with a local farmer for a dozen pumpkins, and I trust that will suffice. Let us know if you want to wield a knife ahead of time so we can secure enough pumpkins. Thanks to Al and Janel for spear-heading the jack-o-lantern effort.

You've Been Warned

With flowers as inspiration, Nick fills out his Match.com application.

The mountain top has been unexpectedly overrun with northern Virginia's finest denizens. A
well behaved group, accustomed to waiting in lines, and possessing an insatiable appetite for the new turnover creations. Gary's latest treat was wiped out in two (2) hours; were you lucky enough to consume a Hot Apple Bend-over or Cherry Poppins? If not you will have to enjoy our speciality this weekend, waiting. Where the line starts is where the buck stops, here. If like yesterday, we are forced to face-down a line of Virginians please remain patient or Charlie will ask you leave.

What Are You Drinking?

CSA Pumpkins

Gretchen's first run

As you stare into the dark, slightly oily, and grainy cup of coffee your plastic, limp Mr. Coffee has coughed up for your consumption, note the above photo. You could be drinking that! Expertly crafted espresso drinks, art you can drink. Oh and yes, it is true, Matt and Sarah did marry, just ask Roger (of Blackwater Bikes) he officiated.

Grapevine

Serendipitous circumstances have placed me in the path of juicy information, and as is my duty, I am reporting the goings-on to you. First, and probably most of you are aware, our HypnoFriends Rob (of Operation Eradication) and Shannon (of Blackwater Outdoors Adventures fame) are expecting their first child, and second (this is a BIGGIE) Matt (of PIMBY fame) and Sarah (of Hunt fame) tied the knot, got hitched, made each other honest, ran away to the bike shop, and in other words got married!! Oh my! Congratulations to all of our friends and neighbors on these wonderful life changers, good show!!

More future-HypnoVessel-arrivals for the shop made their way to the HypnoDock and some new furniture has sailed in. Drop by the HypnoHome for any sneak peeks you may be jones'n for. Congratulations to Paul for his early call on the HypnoCouch, the sun drenched seating vessel has found a loving home, thanks. Again, congratulations to all of our friends.

10,000 Maniacs

WHOOOAAA!! Over ten thousand (10,000) readers served! Ten thousands readers (10,000) means twenty thousand (20,000) eyeballs (actually a little less if you don't count the Director's glass eye) have been entertained, assaulted, and enlightened through our on line journal. That's more readers than yearly income around these parts, Hip-Hip-Hooray for the blog. Take that, statistics about literacy in West Virginia, at least our patrons are avid readers. I am celebrating with a pair of "victorious" photos of the Director who participated in both a bowling competition and swim meet during Elkin's Forest Festival. Chris won the bowling competition and took the bronze in the 100 meter freestyle. Good work Director!

Despite evidence to the contrary, the Irish have excellent palates. A group of four (4) Emerald Isle denizens stopped in today and positively devastated the counter. They consumed eight (8) quiche and seven (7) muffins. Hearty appetites and warm spirits shared the morning with me.

You've Got Something On Your Lip

Summer, Chloe, and Gretchen made it out last night, escaping Casa de Hypno in order to catch a show by Alex Diaz at the Purple Fiddle. Thanks to Alex for dropping off the poster for Chloe and checking out her YouTube video, you might be her first fan. Charlie and I held down the HypnoBastion and defended our abode from banditos, dinosaurs, and giant sharks; all of the creatures inhabiting the mind of Charlie. I was also afforded a brief respite in which I cut Charlie's flaxen locks. An even better looking son greeted his mother upon her return from the "girl's night out".

As you may have noticed, if you were so fortunate as to visit the shop today, that "Kisses $1.00" was today's special. No kisses were rung up in the register, but the Director had an unusually large number of tips today...hummmmm? Just don't come crying to me when the oral herpes outbreak ruins your Halloween.

The Gentlemen's Gun Club had a record number of contestants at last night's "Mojito Cup". Congratulations to Zach, and good choice picking the "buck" hat as your prize. Since the attendance has crept into the almost unmanageable, the charter members have reached the decision to no longer post the when and where of our "Mojito Cup" and take the Gentlemen's Gun Club back underground, where it belongs. Attendance is again on a need-to-know basis, sorry for the inconvenience, o-pioneers of the mountain top.

We'll Egg You

The real Skipper (also may be One-Night-Stand Barbie)

I have heard your demands and have negotiated with Gary, you win, we will be forced to provide Quiche all-week-round. Our egg-periment has touched a nerve with many of you and it shall be taken off of weekend only status and put into full rotation. Also touching a nerve are these "Doll" posts, good show by all participating in the Comments section. The photo of Skipper was obviously a mock-up provided to me by the folks at Mantell. The actual photo of Gary's friend Skipper is above this narrative, thanks to the astute person pointing out that the Skipper representation was obviously boyfriendable. Girls made of plastic have been a highlight of many a lonely and drunken gentleman glued to the bar stool at Mountain State. Usually the plastic paramour is more life-sized and inflatable, just ask Chip to show you his.

Welcome To The Dollhouse

Nick with One Night Stand Barbie
Gary's "friend" Skipper

At Gary's behest I must mention the accessories associated with the new line of dolls in production from the company that brought you the "Don't ask, don't tell" line of Army Men, Mantell.

The Nick Doll: fresh from a late night, Nick stumbles home still holding his bottomless pint glass, and wreaks havoc in his munchie-filled apartment kitchen, leaves his psychotic dog, Bob Barker out all night, and finally retires to his sweat-stained bed.

The Gary Doll: a busy beaver, Gary arrives in his bakery before dawn, puts on the surprisingly motivational Ella Fitzgerald CD, dons his oven-mitt, and gets to the task of making fabulous muffins.

The words in italics are accessories available for purchase, and of course, sold separately. Not out yet, but in the pipeline are Nick's DUI jail cell, one-night stand Barbie, dream-pub playhouse, and ridden-in-guilt-and-remorse-only Cannondale mountain bike. Not to be outdone, the Gary Doll's future accessories include a Philadelphia Freedom Jeep Liberty, a forged prescription for Xanax, queer-a-mid hairstyle kit, and the unboyfriendable, overweight, wallflower friend, Skipper.

Your little girl will love these under the Christmas tree this year, and with Mantell at the helm of doll creation, the dolls and accessories are limited only by their imaginations and cheap Chinese labor.

A Couple of Dolls

Nick Gary

With the daunting task of moving in full rotation, and like a record with a skip, we need your finger to bump the needle. That reference just aged me. A good deal of the furnishings, detritus, and the melange of crap that makes up our shop, can find its way into your space. That's right, you can put a bit of Hypno in your living hole! Some stuff will require money (this helps deflect the surprisingly expensive cost of moving), but some crap-ola is gratis. That favorite chair, table, couch, magazine, dinosaur is on the auction block. We'll update with more specifics in the next couple of weeks...stay tuned!
Nick and Gary have been immortalized in doll form...finally! Now your little girls will have two (2) more male role models shaping their lives and gender role identities. Good luck with that, and thanks to Chloe for the photo.

We Need A Retriever

We shoot skeet...Ulrich?

The skeet are fewer by ninety (90) after a spur of the moment Mojito Cup. Tonight saw Rob (of Hellbender fame) ascend to the pinnacle of target acquirement and snatch the cup from me. Nice shootin' Robbie B., finally a victory to mark a true champion! Thanks to Melissa for holding down the 'Bender whilst we sent skeet to a quick but dusty grave.


A Ben Nelson update: (thanks to Todd for the call, too bad you were traveling today) Ben arrives in D.C. Saturday night at 8:25. Mark and Claire...are you out there? Perhaps the Wall Street Journal can spare you? By the way, does Mark wear such ridiculous wife hating outfits (see Labor Day garden party) in D.C.? The leaves have turned like Benedict Arnold, and our HypnoPal, Ben, needs a hand getting his color fix.


Gretchen demands my attention, Charlie needs Batman to do battle with Joker's T-Rex, and Chloe has made Matzo Balls with leeks that need consumption...priorities...

I'll Eat To That

Not only was I greeted by a sycophantic, barking, chocolate lab (come by for the story) Gary was baking for the weekend. If you were present this morning and helped sample the new items, you're welcome...that blueberry pastry...oh my God...that blueberry pastry! The hit list is as follows:

Pesto and Sun Dried Tomato Quiche

Mexican Fighting Chicken (ole!) Quiche

All Cheese Quiche

Blueberry Muffins

Super Fruity Muffins

Chocolate and Peanut Butter Oat Bars

and

Pumpkin Cheesecake with Cranberry Topping

Obviously I need to explain the Mexican Fighting Chicken Quiche. When I ask the question of Gary, "which came first, the chicken or the egg" he responds with this dish where both are whipped, chopped, seasoned with peppers, cumin, etc., and baked into a crust for human consumption. Good answer! There aren't many left...hurry. Gary also whipped up some experiments, apple turnover (the classic, a real flaky affair), apples in a blanket (just like the pig only snuggled up with goat cheese), and the aforementioned amazing blueberry pastry. The counter is guaranteed to cause Type II Diabetes this weekend, which is why I also sell Colombian grade insulin.

The roaster has been acquired! The deposit has been sent and the bonus is that the young lady selling us the roaster is also a coffee roasting instructor and has offered to visit the HypnoVessel and shove some smarts into my feeble mind. Many more items have been purchased and started trickling in today. Come by for a peek.

On the community bulletin board today is a post from our HypnoFriend Ben Nelson (of farming fame); he is back in the States after some time in South America and needs a lift from D.C. back to the mountain tomorrow night. If you can help a brother out, contact Ben here: Ben Nelson [cordax5000@gmail.com] .