Aidan Hall Was Born Today

One (1) last thing before the booze and Gary's pills take hold, and this is a good one (1). Congratulations to our oldest friends, Phil and Pam for welcoming Aidan into the world today. Their kids seem to be paralleling my life; first Nick is born just hours before my birthday and now Aidan is born on the day of my and Summer's anniversary. Coincidence? I can only wish them the successes I never achieved, the happiness I never found, and their mama's good looks.

HypnoYear In Review

Before you head out into the storm tonight dressed as a cowboy and start imbibing with Mountain State Brewery, let us take a moment and reflect. The HypnoVessel will turn one (1) year old in two (2) weeks and now, on this last day of 2008, we are ready to glance back over the year and reflect on the high moments of community cornerstone ownership.

1. Open the shop, life savings invested, get to know the gay community of the mountain top as they are the best chefs/bakers.

2. Gary introduces us to "Monkey Balls" which we rename and sell as "Monkey Muffins", and no, you don't want to know what is in them.

3. The "Heck" bender controversy! It is a salamander!

4. Yo! HypnoRaps!

5. CopFest, Robbie B., and myself drinking on foot whilst posing with the Sobriety Check Point sign.

6. The Director spearheads our presence at CheatFest, returns to Thomas penniless, shoeless, and hungover for three (3) days.

7. Ace of Hearts show at Mountain State Brewery.

8. The Director being made Employee of the Month.

9. Gretchen Alexandra is born.

10. David Blaine visits Davis, bends a quarter in half, makes a burrito disappear, pals around with Grateful Bob, and impresses absolutely no one.

11. Three (3) words that strike fear in the hearts of the bravest men: Tucker County Gladiator!

12. The HypnoVessel receives her first and only huge set of Blue Balls.

13. Fourth (4th) of July comes and record sales follows.

14. HypnoFriends, Phil, Pam, and Nick visit and leave addicted to espresso...my new role as "dealer" is secured.

15. Davis kicks Thomas' ass at a friendly game of kickball!

16. Rocked by Amadeus.

17. Wham! book.

18. GGC formed, GGC disbanded.

19. Delivery bike purchased and named after the rider, "Big Dummy".

20. I Will Yell At You.

21. Chloe's doll photos and the stories that follow.

22. Sarah and Matt elope at Blackwater Bikes, the next day Matt is diagnosed with herpes.

23. HypnoVessel closes, then reopens in our new portage of Davis, WV.

24. Early snow, often snow.

25. Roaster fires up, best damn coffee follows.

We look forward to another year serving our friends and neighbors, thanks for supporting us, laughing with us, and getting jittery with us.

TCT Fun-Raiser

If you were there you were there! Another successful Tucker County Trails fundraiser was had by our community, and early reports are that we raised over a grand. Good work and kudos to Ben, Jeremy, Rob, Melissa, the 'bender staff, and the Weedhawks for putting on a great shindig. The Weedhawks are first rate entertainers and certainly assisted with the loosening of purse strings and put everyone of us in good spirits, thanks. I have to figure out the "roasting" I now owe Evan. He bid on and won the most arcane item of the night, "a berating by Tony". He being a Supak means if I do a good job, I get my ass kicked; a fine line must be adhered to!

Red Carpet Treatment

Robo-Wife

Many years ago as an even younger man living in Anchorage, AK, I met John Travolta in the Captain Cook Hotel. Things I remember were: he needed a shave, his head was twice the size of normal men, and he was incredibly nice. Sure, it was during his "Look Who's Talking" movies, but nevertheless, it was still Tony Manero of "Saturday Night Fever" talking to me. I was standing in the presence of a real star, having a conversation with a real star, and I left that chance meeting now knowing a real star. Imagine walking into a room filled with stars, all of them incredibly nice, and willing; neigh eager, to meet and talk with you. You can find out tonight at the Tucker County Trails fund raiser. It will be a venerable solar system, the room aglow with gleaming smiles, flashbulbs exploding like silent fireworks, and money going to a good cause. It will be like Hollywood minus the chauffeurs. I will see you tonight for dining, dancing, imbibing, and all forms of frivolous behavior with all of our local celebrities at Hellbender Burritos, let's say seven-ish (7ish).

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!

Okay, put down the new toys and listen to me...your Tucker County Trails Club (TCT) is hosting its winter auction fund raiser this Sunday December 28th at Hellbender Burritos. Your trails club has to have another one (1) of these events after TCT President, Benjamin Clark, drove Abus' Prius to Washington D.C., presented our needs-based case, a back-to-liquidity plan, requested fourteen (14) billion dollars, and (believe it or not) Congress told him to screw himself. Well, you've probably heard the story on NPR so I won't waste precious bandwidth on elaboration. Since TCT isn't a bank we have to raise monies the old fashioned way, auction and raffle! A couple of new items on the block this time are: a date with Jeremy (of Highland Prospects fame), an acoustic evening with "Doc" Lambert, or a free resuscitation from Abus. After last springs' successful Chris Mallow-autographed portrait auction we decided to take the next logical step and auction off what is in short supply on the mountain top, men! Jeremy has agreed to dinner and a movie for the lucky high bidder, and if the winning bid exceeds $100.00 he will provide a foot massage and/or pedicure. If dating Jeremy isn't for you (is that possible?)than maybe your next party could benefit from live music provided by "Doc" Lambert, and if someone at that party suffers cardiac arrest, keep the coupon for Abus' resuscitation nearby. If you've got the scratch, all three (3) could be used on the same night; depends on how hard you party. Now that I've got your attention I'll see you Sunday at Hellbender, oh and, did I mention the free live music courtesy of the Weedhawks? Okay, now you can get back to playing with your Wii.

Mission Accomplished!

Now to rest.

Ol' Man Christmas came through! Chloe, Charlie, and I tracked Father Christmas on the NORAD Santa tracker website most of the night and only bed-down for a night of fitful and anticipatory sleep after the GPS revealed Mr. Claus was in Charleston, WV. Despite his earlier missteps at Hellbender Burritos, he popped his Tylenol, drank his Gatorade and Club Soda, packed that sleigh with goodies, and made his rounds to every good boy and girl. Even though there were reports of bad behavior, he even stopped at the HypnoAbode hooking our lil' sailors up with movies, Wii games, Nerf guns, Batman figures, Barbies (Last Dance Barbie and Fruit Fly Barbie), and so much more. From the HypnoFamily, thanks Santa and enjoy your three hundred and sixty-four (364) days of rest, you deserve it!


To our loyal readers (and really you all should be) Merry Christmas!

Problems...Solutions

Keeping up with demand is becoming the kind of problem our HypnoPals at Mountain State Brewery have been experiencing and now I'm starting to know what that is like. Everyone has been telling me that it is a good problem, and I tend to believe them, and I know it is easily solved. Speaking of solving problems; thanks to Keith (of Ivonne and Keith fame) for solving our planned parenthood problems. Keith, on his way to Oakland, MD this morning, asked if we needed anything and we DID. Keith had no idea he would aide the HypnoFamily in its pursuit of keeping our crew of kids down to three (3), but that is exactly the duty he enlisted for. I personally thank you for picking up Summer's birth control pills, well done.

This time of year can exacerbate problems, and much like the problems of demand we and Mountain State are trudging through, Santa too is under much stress. So many toys to still be built, personal appearances to be made, and Mrs. Claus has been preoccupied lately with Facebook and her My Space page. That's a lot of weight to be carried upon those broad joy-delivering shoulders. Today, in fact, we in Davis witnessed a chink in the fabled red suit. Santa was scheduled for a personal appearance at our local hangout, Hellbender Burritos, from one (1) until three (3) pm. Although St. Nick managed to show up, he was having some trouble with the "jolly" part of his job description. In an attempt to fabricate some joy, he must have consumed some of the elves special liquid happiness; eggnog, prior to reporting for duty. The nog certainly assisted with the required gregariousness for a little while, but as many already know, what goes up must come down. During his glad-handing and ho-hoing, ol' Santa arose and exited the building. Hellbender staff reported the staggering St. Nick made it only as far as the curb before he fell down. His head was in his hands, elbows akimbo on his well-worn knees, and Kris Kringle sat motionless on the icy sidewalk, frozen in the gaze of many a chagrin eye. We know not the weight and breadth of Santa's troubles this time of year, we can only hope he finds both the strength to carry out his monumental task, and the strength to stay off the nog. I'll be scanning the sky tomorrow night with my fingers crossed.

Gird Your Loins My Friends

Holy moly! Now it's cold outside; punishing cold, expunging even smells from the air. My morning stroll was more like paying a price for past sins and transgressions. As soon as the short journey took me in a westerly direction, the biting wind cut through me, causing my eyes to tear up and the tears to freeze to my eyelashes, and if that weren't enough the skin on my face felt as if it were being removed by frozen razors. I had to re-fortify myself in the shelter of the firehall's eaves, collect my breath which had been stolen, ignore the ice-cream headache, and make a dash the last block for the shop door. Running as if my life depended on it (and it did indeed!), I made it to the companionway of the vessel only to find the door frozen! A layer of ice still occupies the inside of the glass, yeah, that's inside the heated shop. Today we are all working for Mountaineer Gas company, as the fuel required to heat our one hundred plus (100+) year old homes has to be astronomical. To those few brave souls who were forced by employers or habits to be out in these elements, and who stopped aboard, I thank you. It was no small task to get your fix today.

Something Wicked This Way Comes

What a weekend, so many partaking in take-home bags of coffee I had to order more green beans. Thanks to you all. The whole mountain top will be a-buzz, busily heading to work, walking the dog, making burritos, killing chickens, and whatever other activities we participate in tomorrow morning. Purveying stimulants is an important community role, one (1) I am familiar with as a former speed dealer from Florida. Only now, I hardly ever have to shoot my way out of a hotel room after watching my friend being stabbed by a Cuban drug lord, or fight possession with intent charges. This new gig is so much easier, thanks Witness Relocation Program, and to Senor Mendoza...you'll never take me alive!

I digress; yesterday I received the court ordered three (3) day notice before the Director returns to the mountain top. Judge Snells ensured the safety of all denizens when he required the Director to call ahead so that we may ready ourselves by locking up our daughters and hiding our booze. This coming Tuesday should see the Director in town and hopefully by Wednesday he'll be back aboard the HypnoVessel. He still has several hours of community service to fulfill, and our ship is one (1) of the court appointed work locations. Besides, he is saving money to fight the paternity suite he finds himself entangled in back in Missouri. What's more expensive, Waffle House waitresses or Missouri attorneys? The Director now knows!

Our Talented Community

Yesterday afternoon and today some of you were lucky enough to be aboard whilst I roasted. The Colombia has been selling as if I laced it with crack...no, I didn't lace it with crack. Yes, if you want to give locally-made goodies to your loved ones for Christmas I will be more than happy to help. Today saw more Colombia and French Kiss filling the shop with their aromas, much to the delight of our patrons. If you read the Comments section (and really you should) you will have noticed several name suggestions for our blends. We have been tossing them about the vessel with friends and neighbors and here's the low down: the "anything with Blackwater in it" sentiment seems to be universal, however, doesn't anyone else draw the conclusion that "Blackwater" could also be a disparagement of my coffee? I completely understand the desire to name products after our amazing surroundings, and indeed we will get around to it, but for our in-ship blends we have a decidedly different verve happening (if you've sailed with us, you know of what I speak) and desire our in-ship nomenclature to stay off of the well trodden path. A real "love" vibe thang has been prevalent in the names so far, and I think we will continue down that primrose path. By all means keep the names coming, eventually we hope to market our coffee outside of these hulls and products that connect us to our environment shall be key. Thanks for playing "the name game!"

Wondering what to do tonight? How about joining the HypnoFamily for a night of theatre? You are correct, the Thomas Education Center and Voices From The Earth are putting on a radio production of Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol at 7 pm tonight. Just to make it interesting, the cast includes Rob Stoll as Fred (Scrooge's nephew) and Jeremy (of Highland Prospects fame) as Businessman #1, a role he was born to play. Rumor has it that some plan to arrive intoxicated, and thus prepared to heckle! Rotten tomatoes can be acquired behind the Shop-n-Save in the green dumpster...see you there.

If you are still unsated by heckling your neighbor's acting skills you can pay your cover tomorrow night at the Fiddle and shout insults and "play some 'Skynyrd!!!" at Matt (Doc) Lambert. The potential for hurting one (1) another's feelings is at its zenith this weekend, be careful.

Every Cup Made With Love

Thanks to Kate for providing nomenclature to our Indonesian dark roast blend: The Kama Sumatra! Well done Kate! We know what's on her mind and appreciate the machinations that brought such a brilliant name to the fore. Get some now, because once I go corporate you'll have to drink Instant Kama Sumatra. "Is that Kama Sumatra in your cup, or are you just happy to see me?", "Trouble getting up in the morning? Not anymore!" The possiblities are endless. More names are needed so don't take off those thinking caps just yet.

What's In Your Closet?

Last night's swap was a hit! Loads of chicks filled the ship, and with them bags upon bags of clothes, jewelry, and costumes. Charlie and I made the briefest of visits, stopping by only quickly enough to snap a couple of photos, and escape with our man-hoods in tact. Twas no place for the y chromosome; however, from what I saw, the place looked like your older, hotter, and much hipper sister's bedroom. Cool clothes scattered about and all of her friend's were there trying things on. I only make the comparison to your hot sister's bedroom because Jeremy (of Highland Prospects fame) has been there and brought back such vivid descriptions.

The tales were told back at the HypnoFamily abode where the dudes held an all-out Wii Bowl-a-rama. No detail left to chance, Budweiser, classic rock played via old records, and Jeremy, Charlie, and I locked in battle. Of course, once Chloe returned, she promptly spanked us all like errant school boys.

Where My Head At?

No, I hath not forsaken thee, o' dear reader. I possess a good reason for my Internet absence. In the interest of meeting even more of your requests, demands, and threats I brought in an expert, a sensei if you will, to train me in the dark art of coffee roasting. With this knowledge I present: Sumatra, Kenya AA, Colombia, Papua New Guinea, Ethiopia, and four (4) blends. I am struggling with naming the blends. Aaron and I brainstormed this morning and with the exception of the B.A. Baracus Blend, we came up short on appropriate names. I stress appropriate, since we came up with a plethora of rude, crass, sexual, mean, stupid, degrading, goofy, and oblique nomenclature. Don't worry, I won't make you order a pound of Donkey Punch Especiale or Dirty Sanchez's French Kiss. I like you far too much.

Speaking of liking you, I'll see you tonight at the Clothing Swap! I had my vision checked, glasses adjusted, and my camera batteries charged. I am completely ready to point out the difference between micro-suede and velour, just ask.

Rain, Rain...Turn To Snow

Barbara, ever attentive, and gettin' her learn on.

Other than the small dwindling piles where the plow once amassed it, our first good snow of the year is gone. Walking to work beneath an umbrella has absolutely no romance in it. It is surprising how quickly we become spoiled, and the luxury once tasted becomes necessity.


Trying to cheer you up this week, our HypnoFriend Abus returned, and with her those silly-delicious, sugar-coma inducing, taste bud teasers, the Lemon and Lime bars. I have received several requests for the bars in her absence, so this is surely some good news amongst the drizzle and mist.


Rumors: Since the HypnoVessel found portage in the old gas station, we have seen a spike in other's interest in renting the rest of the garage. Sounds great to us, neighbors are good. Some potential neighbors include: Highland Prospects, Bubblicious (a hydro-massage joint), Curl-Up and Dye (a hair salon), Mountain Made, the Purple Fiddle, (hell, all the remaining Thomas businesses), and Raw Y'all (a sushi restaurant). We must seem like the coziest business around, as all others want to be next to us. Of course, not all of the aforementioned businesses are real or even considering sharing a roof with the mighty HypnoShip, but some are.


Bulletin Board: Dave (of cabinet building fame) was aboard the ship early this morning hooking up our gas line for the roaster. The counter ornament will soon awake with fire. Stay tuned for the first batches godly coffee goodness! The other Dave (of skeet shooting fame) and Ginger welcomed their son into the world Monday the 8th, expect a photo soon. He is good looking boy, thoughtful, an excellent sense of humor, and a whiz at calculus already. Congratulations, welcome to the community, and excellent work! No one has brought in a Christmas tree ornament for display, o' tannenbaum, how thou art neglected. Tomorrow will once again find me tripping the highway fantastic to Pittsburgh International Airport and returning with our roaster trainer, expect magic shortly thereafter. Lastly, and this one (1) is for the ladies, mind your time during this busy season and mark your calendar annotating the Clothing Swap on Monday night at 7 p.m. Unfortunately, nudity is optional instead of mandatory...so whatever.

I'd Give You The Shirt Off My Back

How the afternoon changed. Summer arrived, and with her, the estrogen wave. A bevy of local girls were hanging out, talking about the boys in the community (oh yes, I do know who has herpes!), and the one-upmanship didn't stop there. They even put together a night event aboard the HypnoShip; a Clothing Swap next Monday (December 15th) at seven (7) p.m. I'm not sure of the rules, but I believe you should have ovaries and be willing and comfortable with undressing in front of other girls...and cameras. Okay, maybe that's a fantasy, instead bring at least three (3) articles of clothing and/or accessories and be prepared to leave with someone else's goodies. Our first nighttime gathering and it's a girlie event!

Sausage Fest

Like any other morning today, except it was an all male affair aboard the ship. Swashbucklers from the community without a lass in site. Many a comparison to a barber shop, replete with Willie (of Mountain State fame) claiming ownership of a barber's chair, and how nicely it would look aboard the vessel. Agreed. Whenever a young lady boarded the ship the conversations changed appropriately or ceased all together creating an air of mischief to our goings-on. The fairer sex would order and make haste for the door, obviously an intelligent move!

Male or female, if you were lucky enough to visit this morning you undoubtedly noticed my meager Charlie Brown Christmas tree. Bring in a decoration, something that represents you and/or your family and I will gladly adorn the tree. No promises of dancing beagles, but a much improved tree will be all of our reward.

...Nipping At Your Nose

Digging out.

Santa, appearing at the HypnoVessel today!

I await tales from last night's Dionysus gathering at WhiteGrass; the annual Jack Frost gala. As always there are ins and outs to the guest-list that intrigue me. Take Stevie for example. He stopped by the HypnoVessel yesterday evening revealing a new haircut, new Dwight Schrute-esque spectacles, a pimp's mustache, moonshine from Grafton, and citrus salsa. The piquing combination promised felonious fun.

Early reports from the front-lines are sedate. Plenty of weather related beached cars. In the future, just pour the moonshine into the snow, it should melt ice better than global warming. The only real blight to the evening appears to be the presence of one (1) Josh Marshall. We in the mountain top community are well aware of his nefarious actions and with temperatures in the teens it shouldn't be too difficult to give that boy the cold shoulder. Denizens of the mountain top unite! Let that kid know if you conduct yourself like that, you are not welcome here!

Beyond the public service message I have only to encourage all able bodies (both of you after last night) to get back to WhiteGrass for the kick off of the hashes. There will be skiing this year!

Message In A Bottle

It seems me former first mate, that ol' scurvey bastard, the Director as been hard at work in Missouri. I received the video beneath this text Thursday night. I can only hope he was on the clock whilst creating this homage to his homies. He must have mined the HypnoBlog for many a month to assemble such handsome photos. "...it seems I'm not alone in being alone, a hundred million castaways looking for a hoooomme..." Well done mate!

Message In A Bottle

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Mission...Scrubbed

I left Mackie and Summer at the helm and dashed off for occupied America with the intention of bringing back our roaster sensei. Once in Maryland I received the first of several calls informing me of delays (no prob I'll eat and wait), but finally flights were cancelled and I was in Pittsburgh with no mission. I thought it best to grease the United States economy whilst in America's sootiest city; your welcome George W. Participating in that all-American recreation of shopping I hit the Swedish-owned Ikea and went to work. Purchasing only for the HypnoVessel I selected carefully, procuring only items that streamline operation and add to that special nautical theme. Having graciously given to big box America, I pointed my Subie south towards West Virginia, screamed along with Eddie Money (Two ((2)) Tickets To Paradise), Def Leppard (Photograph ((best damn one (1) armed drummer in the biz))), and Billy Joel (Moving Out, Anthony's Song ((...trading in his Chevy for a Cadillac-yac-yac-yac you oughta know by now!))), amongst many others, and returned in time to help with the last in battening duties. I'll work on my voice and try again next week.

Musings On My Weight Gain?

Showdown, Davis style.

The music bouncing around in the HypnoVessel of late has been Dixieland Jazz a la New Orleans. Is my subconscious in need of home comforts or a vacation? The Big Easy brings a bit of both to mind and certainly represents an attitude of debauchery and a devil-may-care attitude that appeals to us all. Topics of leisure have come up lately and I have been thinking of how difficult it can seem to let go. Allowing yourself to enjoy your morning coffee and conversation is hard enough. The come-what-may mojo purveyed through the denizens of New Orleans, even in the face of disaster, holds a lesson for us all. We sometimes run headlong through life, often times without proper bearings, and for what? Taking stock in what we have and enjoying the people around us should be paramount in our lives. Of course I offer this from a seven (7) day a week schedule and as the dealer of morning stimulants, sugary treats, loitering, and conversation. It also goes without saying that I am not intellectual enough to continue down the path, waxing on existential nonsense. I need to stick with what I know; jokes about myself, my friends, my family, my neighbors, and the Karate Kid. I'm sure as you stop in tomorrow, I will be much more adept at bawdy humor than philosophic debate...jokes on you.

With Gary away Summer has been baking today. In an attempt to get some R&R of his own, Gary left for some Philadelphia Freedom yesterday. Summer has been experimenting with cookies; a What The Fudge Is This Oatmeal Cookie! and CocoChocolateNutChip Cookie (holy crap, they taste like donuts!). I'm sure more weirdness will surface whilst our baker is on leave.

HypnoDragon Style!

" When you can snatch the Cappuccino from my hand, you will be ready."

Mornings in Davis are becoming Hypnotic. Between eight (8) and nine (9) a.m. many of you swim aboard for a roust-about from your coffee shop. I feel as if I have built the Arc, the water is rising, and you are scrambling to get aboard. Thank you. The patterns are settling into all of our lives as we interconnect daily. Many feel a guilty pleasure in the routine; "I really should be getting to work..." or "Thank God Mike is cool with me stopping here...". There is no need for guilt, I provide sustenance for your mind by purveying stimulants and human amusement at modest rates, you need this. Your patronage keeps me, my family, and this shop going and in turn the start of your day has its load lightened; and thus the cycle rolls on. As you are aware, my attempts to further my influence in your routine are about to start in the form of roasting. This Friday will see our trainer sailing through the ether and by the afternoon the kung fu begins its passage from sensei to student. Before you know it Hypno will be in your cupboard, influencing your everyday. What an honor!

Thanksgiving Is Over, Now Get Back To Work

That's Issac, playing wayyy back there...in the dark.

The HypnoFamily bids adieu to my parents today. Gone is assistance with home, children, cooking, cleaning, etc. that we have enjoyed since Gretchen came along. It's been a long run, and our eternal gratitude for my mother's selflessness carries her home.

Now that the HypnoClan is again flying under its own recognisance, the banter within the vessel will certainly go unchecked, hence inappropriate. Let the expletives fly! Aaron and I have been throwing around the comments, to the delight of many a patron, not the least of which was Rob and Melissa (of Hellbender fame). You are all very welcome.

Neighbors and friends are returning from a long weekend of over-indulgence, thus the drag in their steps. The neighbors who managed to make it back yesterday and were lucky enough to attend the recital last night at the Thomas Education Center, were treated to Chloe's first solo performance singing and playing guitar. Also debuting their talent were HypnoKids, Issac and Forrest, Issac playing guitar and Forrest playing piano. Stars are being created, don't miss your chance to say, "I saw 'em at the beginning, way before they went all commercial!"