So Cool. We're Cold

Wall Street Journal votes are in: our customers are the cutest.

The design team is at it again next door. Right now things look like a prison, what with nothing but studs framing the future walls (no puns intended). Soon enough Ty and the "Dream House, Commercial Applications" crew will be aboard, cameras rolling, lights glaring, and Jeremy's dream of an interior that looks exactly like a Barbie Dream Tent will become a reality. No lie, Jeremy has some very strange design strategies.


Old man winter's icy fingers reached into Spring, grabbed our ankle, and drug us kicking and screaming back into an ice and snow storm. He is in the season of dimensioning returns, and the weather should be back on track tomorrow...take that Mr. Frost!


I boarded the HypnoVessel this morning and found an unfamiliar face meandering amongst the usual suspects, the D.C. IT Geek himself! Like a vision, his grinning face greeted me as if to say, "not skilled at HTML are you." I assured him his Tanzanian Pea Berry is on its way, and do not fret my friend, as soon as it is roasted I shall drop a healthy sample in the mail for you. Just don't break me down to a binary mess...again.

I'm On It

I hear ya. First a comment from the vacationing Gary and then an email from Mattie, both wondering where the news be at? Apologies and forgiveness sought for my tardiness regarding your information super-dirt road. Maybe it's a personal funk (taxes, WV Division of Labor, construction noises, et. al.), but I digress...

The news: In an effort to secure some much needed wind in the sails, myself and Jeremy are planning a "Tommy Boy" (his analogy, not mine) style sales tour. This begs the question: who's David Spade and who's Chris Farly...clearly I am the buffoonish Tommy Boy whilst Jeremy plays the role of straight man. I know, "straight man" is a stretch, but come on, me not playing the f-up?

Our community librarian, Ivonne, and husband Keith, in an effort to keep the stars aligned, both did slight front-end damage to their cars. All the while, they were one hundred (100) miles away from each other. Keith popped a small dent in the plastic portion (which is most of) of his Xterra and his blushing bride, trying to board the HypnoVessel and search for correct change at the same time forgot to stop. It ain't the first time, but it was a dozy seeing Ivonne, head looking down, drifting ever-so-slowly towards our ship's imposing handicap ramp until...SCRAPE. The spoiler of the Prius took the brunt of this slip.

Prior to his flying of the coup, Ben Nelson (of, the HypnoBadge Mugs are coming fame) is now an indentured servant aboard the S.S. Hellbender Burritos. You have been warned, check those burritos for pontification.

Our HypnoFriend, Chip (of Charlie's best buddy fame) is preparing a feast from India tonight at Mountain State, and Hypno's own, Aaron M., is gettin' his River Dance on with Aurora Celtic at the same venue.

Hopefully this sates the hungry eyes of my fervent readers... now, if you don't mind, I shall return to my closing time ritual of Mountain State IPA and Van Halen. I might as well JUMP!

Cha-Cha-Changes

Thanks to Cory Chase for this blast from the past spotted at T-Line.

Cloco the Hobo.

Is it coming off, or going on?

Another fine Blackwater Bikes product.

The chicks of the mountain top are looking better already! No one got into a fight, everyone is still friends, and that equates to success. If you've been within nine hundred (900) yards of the HypnoVessel lately then you have no doubt heard the ruckus of progress, and with said progress also comes changes. The reality of a volleyball/badminton court looks more likely as does a new parking lot. Get used to not pulling nose-in towards the building. Also on the horizon is wine aboard the ship. I know rum is the traditional grog of seafaring vessels, but good wine is hard to come by in these parts and we are all about filling the vacuums. Summer has gathered licensing information from the state, and we are, of course, fretting the requisite FBI background checks, and letters of good-standing, but we'll see where the road takes us. No trigger-pulling until after tax time, so be patient.

Another idea being batted around is a farmers' market. I know there is interest in that, and if you have experience in these realms than step forward, as the reigns await a driver. Our landlord, Pete, will throw in the space and a tent, but someone is needed to interface with farmers/vendors, advertise the events, handle licensing, and skipper this idea into smooth seas. Come on, we can do this and plenty more.

Wanna Trade?

It's that time again. Summer has been putting the word out, and now it is here; Spring Clothing Swap! Dig through that closet, rummage those steamer trunks, and in other words bring the skivvies you're willing to trade to HypnoCoffee tonight at seven (7) pm. The affair is just like being in your bedroom swapping clothes with your girlfriends before going out on a Friday night, minus the Cure and Boyz II Men posters on the wall. Come to think of it, Summer may have a poster or two (2) we can pin up just to make the experience familiar. If she doesn't Chloe does. Tonight, of course, is a chick-shtick, so no dudes. Not even Charlie and I will attempt a peek (lesson learned from the winter swap), because men and clothing swaps don't mix... unless you're gay or bi-curious. Besides, it isn't nearly as sexy as we men would like to think, not at least while men are around, and that is how it always is. The good stuff invariably goes down when you are not there.

A Jittery Buzz

Now that's a project! Papa Al (of Summer's dad fame) was aboard for the birth of what I hope will become a new brew offered by our HypnoFriends at Mountain State Brewery, the HypnoStout. If refined pallets sample the HypnoStout in Snowshoe, and enjoy it, that would reinforce the argument to put this special beer into rotation. It possessed twenty-four (24) ounces of our delicious espresso, six (6) ounces of Ghirardelli mocha powder, and of course fifteen (15) gallons of Mountain State's creamy stout. I pulled the shots, mixed the mocha, and Willie injected the coffee deliciousness into the keg via a tap pump. Damn, it looked awesome and tasted wonderful. The head of the stout smelled of coffee, the taste was chocolaty and tinged ever-so-slightly with coffee, and then the finish leaves your mouth tasting of bittersweet espresso upon exhalation. Simply put, the experience was a complete success. All tasters present were very pleased and never so excited to be buzzed.

Goodbyes, Again

No, you can't take Gretchen.

The mountain top bid adieu to the first lady of Smoked Salmon Cream Cheese and Lemon Bars this morning. Sarah left for the great state of Colorado, and something in short supply in these parts, gainful employment. Good luck Sarah and don't forget to write. We seem to be hemorrhaging local talent with no employment tourniquet in sight. Alas, the ebb and flow of our little hamlet has entered the ebb. This is a natural part of life in a small town and we for one (1) hath girded our loins for the long haul.

One (1) segment of our community not shrinking is the construction of the old gas station that houses HypnoCoffee. The rip and tear began this morning with the lovely sounds of saw-z-all and "git 'r done". Ah, the sweet sounds of progress. Soon Highland Prospects will assume their rightful place next to the HypnoVessel in west Davis ruling the merchant community from high atop Highway 32! We must keep the attitude positive since we can't afford to shut down for the next seven (7) weeks and our neighbors, be they brief, are noisy by job description. Enjoy louder than usual music whilst aboard and please, share a laugh during this period of growth. It's sort of like shaking your head at teenagers wearing pants around their knees, or asymmetrical haircuts, only louder.

Make It A Double

WV driving and drinking age has been lowered...again.

Mad skillz.

Tomorrow finds me in a different role. Instead of making stimulants, I will be assisting young Willie (of Mountain State fame) in the creation of depressants. We are putting together a beta version of an Espresso Stout, infusing the Mountain State brew with HypnoEspresso and just a hint of chocolate. What's that? You can't wait to sample it, me too, but it's headed to Snowshoe (I believe) for consumption and enjoyment. Hopefully this is the beginning of creating an Espresso Stout that we can recreate time after time, maybe for a season, or special occasions. Thanks to Willie for working with such a difficult person on this project.

The photo of the Director elicited a phone call and denial from Chris today. He claims not to have worn shorts this year, and swears his ass is smaller in size and hairier in person. I'll get confirmation on that from Nick C.

It's been off the shelf lately, but I finally got around to filling an apothecary jar with Kate's favorite, Kama Sumatra. It's a sin to let such a cleverly named coffee lie dormant for too long. Forgive my negligence and prepare your taste buds for coffee-sexiness.

Badminton Fever...Catch It!

Let us hope his barista skills out-shine his racket game.

The Director sent this pic of his first day in shorts whilst in Missouri, thanks.

Ben saw a mouse!

It was a good start to what promises to be an intense and competitive badminton season. Cory and Sheena were the dominate pair eliminating opponents with relative ease. In a family show-down pitting Alex and Jeremy (of Summer's sister and her beau fame) against Summer and I illustrated the toll running a business takes on one's skill. If this were a testament to mine and Summer's ability in other arenas we'd be jailed. We failed to score a single point until Alex and Jeremy had already surmounted a commanding twelve (12) point lead. As darkness fell so did the temperature and we all ran for warmth. Thanks to the players and keg rats for hanging out with the HypnoFam on such a lovely day.
Keith (of Ivonne's husband fame) made his way home after a visit to the Big Apple bearing gifts. Check out the hull for Keith's wisdom next time you are aboard. Since we are all fortunate enough to have Nicole at the tiller the extended HypnoFam plans on getting lost in our big beautiful backyard today.

It's On!

Oh yeah, we even take "those" cards.

Chloe's first crack at latte art, she claims the milk's image is of a fetus.

Spring Break! Mattie (of Mackie's doppelganger fame) stopped by the HypnoVessel on his way to Spring Break festivities in Nags Head, NC. He had all of the essentials; Coopertone sun tan oil, blue jean cut-off shorts, zinc oxide for his nose, Ray Ban shades, a case of wine coolers, and his lucky condom. Bring us back some sun my friend. With Spring Break comes Summer's sister Alex and her beau, Jeremy. Their presence has initiated a Spring Break badminton match tomorrow afternoon, starting around 3 pm and ending once the Mountain State keg is dry! This also means you are afforded the pleasure of Nicole's company aboard the HypnoVessel this week, as time spent with family is never regretted...or is that regrettable? We'll see, enjoy Nicole though.
It's official Jeremy, Ben, and the Highland Prospects inventory will be making its way to the HypnoVessel! The lease has been signed, in blood (an arcane WV law). Consider the red carpet rolled out!

Smooth Sailing

It's never too soon to start... sailor training! Charlie am what he am. Before I get a plethora of emails referencing my encouragement of tobacco use I want it noted the above pipe came free with my purchase of a Happy Meal and Firearm at McDonald's. Plus, it's plastic; Cade and I melted an identical pipe earlier this morning...so he can't even use it!

Cade, on day two (2), discovered our Achilles heel and nearly flooded the HypnoVessel this morning. I was forced to teach him the proper technique for bunging a hole. (No jokes please.)Cade was pretty good already, must have been all of that time aboard the Purple Fiddle?

Ben N. (of pottery fame) promises yet more HypnoMugs, and not a moment too soon as we are being asked to sell the badged beauties. Get that order in now. Speaking of orders, anyone interested in cycling jerseys? I want to place an order and will take pre-orders from interested and good-looking patrons with a desire to expand their wardrobe with an ultra-hip merino wool HypnoJersey.

W.W.M.D.

As always, we are putting the new recruit through the rigors of HypnoTraining. Of course, the mantra on every new hire's mind is "What would Mallow Do?" Surly? Check. Mumbling? What? Hungover? Roger that! Stinky? Gotcha. Sloppy? You know it! Dirty mind? Of course, that's why I want to work here. Cade is off and running with espresso finally being extracted to our precise standards. Kate found the new hire particularly interesting to converse with, and Cade pulled some sacrilegious and interesting preoccupations out of Mountain State's princess. I realize Kate's mother reads this blog, so I will save her the embarrassment and heartbreak that would be associated with Kate's full statement. If you want to know, just come by the shop for a full disclosure.

Thai food tomorrow night at Mountain State! You read right, Chip has left the mountain in pursuit of ingredients. His search has taken him to D.C. to both fight the L.L. Bean Edition Subaru crowd whilst securing the proper flavors. Thanks for the effort my friend and I'll see you tomorrow night.

Sleeping On The Job

Achtung decaf drinkers! An order has been placed for more of the unleaded, however, the shipping notice says I won't see delivery until Monday the 16th. When I run out of decaf I will place the blame on delayed shipping caused, no doubt, by our remote location. I will not, however, blame myself for the belated ordering of the aforementioned decaf.
Tomorrow finds you looking at Nicole's visage instead of my dour puss. Yes, yes we are trying to get new and better faces for you to shout orders at. I am sure you are ready to interact with others, not that we haven't had a good run, what with our laughs and my insults, but it is time for you to move on. Imagine yourself ordering a latte from a "new" barista, someone with whom you can get to know over that latte. You already know me, and you have grown to tolerate me, but the fire is out. I know you secretly hope for a "new" barista, and you can have even more of what you wish for by simply buying more coffee. Yes, it's that simple, the more coffee I sell, the more time you get with that "new" barista. You never thought I'd be so cool about it, but you were wrong.
The effect of the time change finally got to Charlie. He fought hard to stay awake, but the deprivation overwhelmed his young filament. Hopefully, the above mentioned "new" baristas manage to fend off the sandman's sweet embrace better than my young son.

Time Change And The Damage Done

...sailors take warning.

The roaster was fired up yet again today. The roasting was necessitated by an order from our HypnoFriend and part-time neighbor, John (of the IRS fame). Thanks for the order, and by the way, do I have to claim your payment as income, or can I classify it as a charitable donation? Just clarifying. HypnoPals Becky and Mandy enjoyed some elocution and language skills lessons in the form of HypnoNomenclature. Remember my friends, with great language comes great power, use it wisely.

We even made a new friend today, another Sarah (of Highland Prospects intern fame). You read right; Ben and Jeremy finagled some poor undergrad into "interning" in their shop this summer. I know what you're thinking, intern what? Fortuitously they met Sarah (probably through a website, Jeremy has been spending a lot of time on line surfing for a Russian bride) and as luck would have it she is majoring in Gold Bricking (course work has been laid out at WVU). I suppose she'll "learn" the finer points of Internet gaming, Facebook cruising, looking busy, and sleeping with one's eyes open. Sure there are plenty of local mentors, but I for one(1), can't think of two (2) better examples of sloth and laziness. Good luck Sarah.

The picture today was snapped around 7:30 am. Thus the darkness' glum and sleepy embrace taunt myself and the other pre-light workers for what seems like a ridiculous amount of time. Spring can't come fast enough this scurvy dog. Speaking of spring: Summer wants to mention that she is gearing up for a spring clothing swap. Get out those swim suits, culottes, capris, and tennis wear. Spring fever is gripping the crew and despite calls for snow we are holding hope for an early badminton match-up. Stay tuned!

HypnoHike

The temperatures aren't exactly balmy, but thanks to the Olive Garden's own, Aaron M., the HypnoFam was afforded some rare outdoor respite together. It's been awhile since we walked in Blackwater State Park, and that is a tragedy. We have one (1) of the nicest places in America one and a half (1.5) miles from my front door. Eat your heart out o' resident of occupied America. Better than being jealous would be to join us. Bring yourself and your job to our mountain top, all are welcome, just take the HypnoFam for example. Smart-alecky, loud, vulgar, and yet we get along just fine, and so can you.

You'll have to deal with a short post today, the Big Dummy and I have errands to run, and weather this nice in early March won't last long...about forty-eight (48) hours is the record.

Mug Shot

Our HypnoPal, Ben Nelson, arrived today bearing the first of two (2) deliveries. We took possession of six (6) hand made mugs gilded with a "Hypno" badge and swirl. The vortex sucks you into coffee consumption whether you want it or not. I hope our latest attempt to hypnotize you works. You are experiencing a need for coffee, you are experiencing a need for coffee...If you like the mugs as much as we do, we can work out a way for you to own one (1), two (2), or twelve (12); just contact that really good-looking barista. Yes, I mean Summer.

Speaking of good-looking baristas, we are adding to our rogue's gallery of coffee hypnotists. Come in Friday the thirteenth (13th) and meet our latest addition, the very lucky, Cade A. The very day I placed my online request of Cade's presence, he showed up and an accord was struck. Cade has served aboard other scurvy vessels, but has no idea what sea legs are until he's served the HypnoMast.

Twins

Two (2) heads are better than one (1).

Mackie's doppelganger, Mattie, is in town today. Maybe you've seen him, a little younger than Mackie, shorter, greener hair, and better looking. I think he even has a bike much like Mackie would have. The differences don't cease at his visage. As you know we all have an "evil" doppelganger or twin in the world. Someone, who instead of you, does the misanthropic deeds you only entertain in your darkest thoughts for a few minutes at a time. Knowing this, what is this "Mattie" doing here? What nefarious chore is he on? Why did he linger so long aboard the HypnoVessel?


Thinking back on my meeting with this duplicate, I've concluded that we've been fooled for years. Mattie did seem really nice, nicer than Mackie actually. He was helpful, playful with the kids, courteous, and a good conversationalist. Wait a minute! I think this Mattie is, in fact, the good twin, while our Mackie is the evil S.O.B. Come to think of it, Mackie is always spouting some conspiracy theory, yelling about elected officials and political policies, picking fights with aged hippies, and he's the only man in America not in love with Barack. Mattie, you're welcome to stay as long as you can despite your awkward yet similar appearance to our ol' Mackie.

The bright and shining day lifted the aromas of roasting coffee as far as Blackwater Bikes, pulling people in like a hungry cartoon wolf floating on the waves of scent to the window holding a freshly baked pie. You're welcome Davis. You need not tary on the purchase of said freshly roasted coffee, just press the Buy Coffee Now! button to the right of this text.

Sushi Q, Baby I Love You

Summer put together sushi for the HypnoFam, Ivonne (of Library fame), Keith (of Ivonne fame), and Gary (of HypnoBaking fame). She, Summer, has made it clear that the sushi carnage pictured above was the work of Gary and Ivonne's first try at rolling...sushi that is. Summer even appealed to carnivore Keith with what we call "Philadelphia Roll" but Gary coined "mooshi", which is steak and cream cheese rolled with traditional rice and nori. Something for everyone, and stories of Ivonne's rubbing elbows with the honorable Joe "I Love Me A Roadkill Dinner" Manchin. She returned from Charleston with a slightly redder neck, certainly an endearment in these parts!

Vinyl spun on the turntable, and beer and wine vanished as if it were a trick. Even Gary drank wine and ate meat. Yes, that's new. Arguably the best part of the evening was Ivonne's being chased by Charlie, who's intent was to turn her to "ice" or "rice", for about a half an hour. A very "hypno" way to burn off dinner.

Were You At The NRPS Show? What? Huh?

Work to place Highland Prospects next door has begun. Noise levels are church-like for now and progress made to get my friends moved in is appreciated. Speaking of noise levels, Kate (of Mountain State Brewery fame) once again did her part to remove selected frequencies from your hearing by bringing back New Riders of the Purple Sage. This time it was a closed door affair, no patio usage, hence the noise had nowhere to go but in your ear holes. The holes' job is to absorb as much sound as possible. Good work Kate, and keep it up (no puns intended).

If this warm weather persists I will be forced to schedule a pre-Easter snow badminton tourney. Summer's sister will be around in a couple of weeks and she always brings her game and lust for victory. That'd be a good time, and the keg is on me!

Now in the "where in the world" series: Cade A. You remember Cade, the affable smiling young man who found his way to our mountain top over a year ago and worked at the Fiddle. He's the one (1) that passed out before a badminton dinner at the HypnoCastle last summer. I thought that would jog your memory. I had to do a little research, and here's what I dug up. The name Cade translates to "abandoned by one's mother". I once asked Cade if he was abandoned by his mother, to which he replied that indeed he was raised by his touchy Haitian nanny with a peculiar name. This went a long way to explaining his constant smile. Knowing his abandonment issues coupled with his affinity for older French accented mother figures, he is "holing up" in the heavily French occupied town of Hendricks with a woman whom he has made pregnant. Ascend the mountain o' young abandoned one(1) for we would like to see ye.

Where In The World Is...

Many have been asking, in their salient pursuit of all things Hypno, where the hell have Aaron and Nicole been? How nice of you to ask. Now you know full well I never delve into the depths of rumors and half-truths, but I heard they left the mountain together about ten (10) days ago. Where'd they go? Las Vegas? Secret wedding? Crime spree? Does it mean anything that as soon as they left the Director showed up? Much like financial solvency, the truth eludes me. I am an asker of questions and do my best to merely "connect the dots".

Here's what I know. Aaron and Nicole flew out of Pittsburgh. Bangkok is beautiful this time of year, but neither have the kind of revenue stream it takes to keep them in both alcohol and Thai prostitutes for ten (10) days. Nicole has tattoos and there is a biker rally in Miami. Supporting that theory; Aaron rides around on a hog (please no Aaron's ex-girlfriend jokes) during the summer. However, a rally usually requires the motorcycle be present, and we already established that they flew out of Pittsburgh. As I have mentioned before, Aaron hails from an Amish background, perhaps they headed to the powerless community of Yoder, Minnesota. The problem with that theory is Aaron can't use his Ipod Touch in Yoder, and Aaron can't function without his Touch. I've got it! Thinking back on Aaron's background, his connection with wine in the color of red, and Nicole's constant insatiable thirst for booze and Donald Duck, it is clear they went to Orlando, FL. Orlando is the corporate headquarters of the Olive Garden, Aaron's Alma Mater, as well as home to Walt Disney World. In an attempt to further his climb up the server's ladder Aaron returned to the O' Garden's hinterland for training in sauces in the color of white and Nicole spent her days following adults around who dress as cartoon characters! So this is how I find out? I can see now they plan to leave their HypnoPost, and Aaron will drag them both to the hustle and bustle of a life having chain restaurants coupled with adult animation.

Tour Of Hypno

Need a HypnoFix whilst skiing at Timberline? Of course you do. Does Davis seem too far to drive? Of course it does; you're tired, your knees hurt, your kids are whining about it being too cold, and your wife wants to get back to the cabin. No prob', just pull into Trail Mix and pick up a pound (#) and sko. They even have a grinder if your rental didn't come with one (1). What's that? You're in Deep Creek and both the HypnoShip and thereby Trail Mix are a bit far? Gotcha covered on the northern tip too. Wheel that vehicle into Cornish Manor where coffee and espresso can be had. Say hi to Jacques for us and enjoy a meal while there. You're already hip to Morgantown's HypnoHotSpot, the Blue Moose Cafe and hopefully that's just the beginning. Regional domination has begun. Prepare to be boarded and have your taste buds set to "amaze me".