Have you heard? The Hypno Vessel is going to be steered by Capt. Cade and Top Deck Jester Cory for the next two weeks. You all know what that means: we'll do like that other "coffee shop" in Thomas does and not open until the afternoon, smell like booze and an ashtray from open to close (which will undoubtedly send more traffic to Highland Prospects), and, if the ship don't sink after a few days of that, stay open 'til the weewee hours dancing to Americana music provided by Stevie Johnson, who will be promoted to Poop Deck Bard.
And one more thing: anybody coming aboard with "attitude" will be hit over the head with a broken shovel, chopped to bits by neighboring worker Laurie H.'s vile dog, and roasted to a nice light city roast. I can see it now: Sales=skyrocketing, acceptance of cannabilsm (wait, is that what you call it when you DRINK people?), willingness to prevent the Head Pirate from returning so that we may keep roasting people (he'd be nice as a full city +...), and a swath of other things that will remain unmentioned until you actually come by and support the most hyperactive biz in town.
This was dug up out of a dusty chest in the mess hall. Nov. 2008, how boring. Note the previous post...snow over the deck railing. The ship will soon thaw out and be steered to ________.
It is rumored that the Head Pirate and Fam abandoned ship due to the gargantuan amount of snow that would, eventually, make Noah's Ark a neccessity in this area. He always did avoid contributing to the fulfillment of Biblical prophecy...so they go to NOLA, the Arkless land.
The Head Pirate's favorite booty maker will remain unmanned for a couple of weeks. Get yer booty elsehwere, or just wait for another mothalode storm to wreck some shrimp ships into our port.
Now that you know, we hope you come and show your full support of "Head Pirate-lessness."
Don't be afraid.
No comments:
Post a Comment